người Mỹ

Viet: người Mỹ
Meaning: American person
Pronunciation: Blend the n and g in the back of the throat, then add (as the British would say) "oi!" in the gradually falling tone. Second word is "Me" as a sharp rising tone.

When I go into an Asian restaurant, I pretend that everyone there thinks I'm Asian.  It probably harkens back to the middle school desires to "blend in."  Inevitably, there are moments during my brush with the staff at these places of Asian cuisine when I might as well be wearing a sign that says, "I am a stupid white American that doesn't understand your language or your culture!"  At least, that's how I feel at these moments.

When Thai and I went to New York City, we ate in a delicious restaurant in Chinatown.  We had soup and duck (pre-vegetarianism for me) and amazing rice!  However, when our order was brought to our table, there was a very significant difference in the utensils we received.  Thai was blessed with chopsticks, while I was handed a fork.  That was the first time I sensed the giant sign across my chest: Stupid. White. American.  I was a bit embarrassed, which he did not understand.  I tried to explain; How would he feel if he went into a steakhouse, and the server brought chopsticks for him?  Of course, he said that would be hilarious.  He is quite impossible sometimes.

We often go out to Vietnamese restaurants with Thai's family.  The waitress will chatter in Vietnamese to Thai's sister, Thai will then sputter out his rehearsed pronunciation of the Viet dishes, and then the waitress will look at me.  She'll size me up and ask, in English, "And what would you like?"  I'll mumble, "Spring rolls and a side of rice, please," and she'll be on her way.  My self-illusion that I am Viet is shattered!  Now, occasionally, I will throw in some Viet words that I know.  Cảm ơn.  Thank you.  But I always mix up whether it's pronounced "come" or "cam," and thus I usually just end up with a confused glance and pitying nod.  Can I skip ahead to the language lessons about food?

Recently, Thai and I went to Little Saigon in San Francisco.  It's only two blocks in the city, but the businesses there are 80% Vietnamese owned.  Even the people walking down the streets suddenly are all Vietnamese.  We ate at a restaurant called, "Turtle Tower."  I ordered the spring rolls, which is Houston usually come with just shrimp (because they are called "Shrimp Spring Rolls" on the menu.  Genius.)  The rolls I received, of course, also had pork in them.

Let's see what Wikipedia says:
A summer roll or fresh roll (Vietnamese: gỏi cuốn; literally "mix salad rolled") is a Vietnamese dish consisting of pork, shrimp, herbs, bún (rice vermicelli), and other ingredients wrapped in rice paper.

Let's see what the Viet fiance says:
"Honey, of course they come with pork!"

Ruling: Stupid. White. American.
Thai wants to send them back; I don't want to draw attention to my mistake.  I end up picking the pieces of pork out of the (still very delicious) rolls.


All of this may seem trivial.  I know that all the staff at these places probably serves way more culturally-retarded than me.  But those people don't WANT to be Viet.  They can easily grace an ethnic restaurant without feeling like they're constantly humiliating themselves.  I hold my chopsticks with pride!  Oh one day, Viet restaurant staffs I don't know, one day...